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Self Care Newsletter Vol#65 Week #4 "Speak your truth even if your voice shakes." Maggie Kuhn
Published 8 days ago • 8 min read
Rejuvenate & Thrive
NURTURE YOUR ESSENCE
Focus:
The Real Cost of Saying "I'm Fine"
"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."
Gloria Steinem
Your Weekly
Intentional & Sustainable Self-Care Newsletter
Volume #65
The Real Cost of Saying "I'm Fine"
"I'm fine," "I'm ok," and "I'm good" were on constant rotation and autopilot for me. These phrases were truly a way to cloak myself, to defend myself in situations that would have required more of me when I didn't feel comfortable doing so, and ultimately, to feel safe. "I'm fine" allowed me to escape living my life. It was tied to that little girl who didn't want to grow up and become an adult with responsibilities.
Later in life, I realized I had been living as a spectator. I didn't know myself, but I was great at helping others, believing that would somehow lead me to discover who I am and the meaning and purpose of my life. I started feeling resentful because my life was passing me by and I felt empty inside. I remember encouraging myself to do things solo—I became confident enough to go to the movies by myself or take myself out to dinner. I began taking community classes on topics I wanted to explore and learn more about. Through these activities and continuing to be honest with myself, my internal connection grew stronger, and I began to know who I am and who I am becoming.
"I'm fine" is the most expensive lie in our vocabulary. We use this phrase as a social lubricant to avoid friction, but as your strategist, I'm here to tell you that "fine" is often a tax on your authenticity and a debt your nervous system has to pay later. We've all done it. Someone asks how we are, and before our brain can even process the heaviness of our hearts, our mouths say, "I'm fine." But "fine" is often an acronym for Feeling Insecure, Numb, or Exhausted. Every time you say "I'm fine" when you are actually drowning, you are telling your soul that its reality doesn't matter.
Chakra Activation: The Throat (Visuddha) Clearing To stop the "fine" reflex, we have to clear the gateway of communication. The Throat Chakra is where our internal truth meets the external world. When we lie to keep the peace, we create a physical knot in this center.
Sit tall. Gently place your fingertips on the base of your throat.
Imagine a bright, electric blue light vibrating at your throat.
Take a deep breath in through your nose. As you exhale, let out a long, audible "HA" sound (the lion's breath), imagining you are pushing the "fine" mask out of your body.
Whisper or think: "My truth is not a burden. I am safe to be seen in my reality."
Swallow once, feeling the throat open and clear for this day.
The Strategist's View: As a strategist, I look at "I'm fine" as a communication blackout. Strategic truths for this beautiful rising:
The Intimacy Killer: You cannot be truly known if you are always "fine." People-pleasing via the "fine" reflex keeps people at a distance, leading to deep loneliness.
The Body Keeps the Score: When you tell your brain you are "fine" but your body is in "fight or flight," you create a massive internal dissonance. This is a leading cause of burnout.
The Power of "Not Fine": Saying "I'm having a rough time" or "I'm actually quite tired" isn't a weakness; it's a resource request. It allows the people who love you to actually show up for you.
The "Authentic Alternative": Let's build a new script so you don't default to the lie.
The Default Audit: Write down the person you are most likely to say "I'm fine" to when you aren't.
The Translation: Write down one thing you are actually feeling right now.
The New Script: Write three "Graceful Truths" you can use instead of "I'm fine."
Example: "I've had a lot on my plate lately, so I'm a bit low energy."
Example: "I'm navigating some things, so I'm not my usual self, but I'm managing."
Example: "I'm actually not great, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet." (This is a boundary and a truth!)
The Practice: Say your favorite one out loud three times.
Food for Thought: If you are always "fine" for everyone else, who gets to be there for the version of you that is hurting? By being "fine," are you protecting them from your reality, or are you protecting yourself from the vulnerability of being helped?
Wisdom Insight: Integrity is when your internal world and your external words are in alignment. The cost of "I'm fine" is the slow erosion of your own self-trust. Today, let your "Yes" be "Yes," your "No" be "No," and your "I'm struggling" be a sacred truth.
Be Blissful,
Dr. MoJo: Self-Care Strategist
Join Ignite Your Inner YOU Community where it starts and ends with you BECOMING Intentionally YOU! It's time to start BETTING ON YOU!
Pricing Options:
Monthly: $20/month
Quarterly: $60/quarter
Annually: $240/year
Call-to-Action: "Don’t wait to start your journey. Click below to join Ignite Your Inner You Community!!!
"Your Healthy MoJo~Self-Care Strategist: The Chakra Series."
This essential collection, created by Dr. MoJo, guides you through a profound journey of self-discovery and energetic alignment, spanning from the grounding Earth Star and Root to the divine connection of the Crown Chakra.
Each of the eight energy centers (Earth Star, Root, Sacral, Solar Plexus, Heart, Throat, Third Eye, and Crown) is addressed with its own dedicated, transformative recording paired with an in-depth eBook to solidify your understanding and practice.
Individually, each Chakra recording and eBook bundle is available for $25.00, offering a powerful, focused self-care strategy. However, when you purchase two or more Chakra bundles, the price drops to just $20.00 each. Start your personalized healing journey today and feel the difference of a balanced, vibrant self.
Welcome to this sacred space where we honor the truth beneath the automatic "I'm fine." This week, we're exploring the hidden cost of pretending everything is okay when it's not—the emotional toll of constant performance, the disconnection from yourself and others, and the exhaustion of wearing a mask that never comes off. Your truth deserves to be spoken, and "I'm fine" is often a lie that's costing you more than you realize.
Food For Thought:
Nourishment for Your Soul: What "I'm Fine" Really Costs You
How many times have you said "I'm fine" when you were anything but? How often have you performed okayness while privately falling apart? How much energy have you spent maintaining the illusion that everything is always okay when the truth is messy, hard, and real?
Consider this: Every time you say "I'm fine" when you're not, you're sending yourself a message: "Your real feelings don't matter. What you're experiencing isn't valid. You need to hide your truth." After years of this messaging, is it any wonder you've lost touch with what you actually feel and need?
Honoring Your Real Feelings:
The Liberation of Authentic Expression
There's a reflex so automatic that most of us don't even notice it anymore: someone asks "How are you?" and without thinking, we reply "I'm fine." It doesn't matter if we're actually drowning in overwhelm, aching with loneliness, struggling with anxiety, or barely holding it together—the response is always the same: "I'm fine. How are you?" We've trained ourselves to default to this socially acceptable lie so consistently that we've lost touch with what we're actually feeling.
Understanding the real cost of "I'm fine" means: recognizing when you're defaulting to this phrase out of habit rather than honesty, acknowledging the emotional labor of constant performance, identifying the disconnection from yourself when you deny your real feelings, noticing the superficial relationships that result from never being authentic, feeling the exhaustion of pretending, understanding how "I'm fine" prevents you from receiving support, and recognizing that your truth—however messy—deserves to be spoken and honored.
This week, we honor your real feelings and celebrate your courage to speak truthfully instead of reflexively saying "I'm fine."
"Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom."
Thomas Jefferson
Fine wine is carefully monitored as it matures over time.
WISDOM FROM SPIRITUAL MOTHERS & FATHERS
Louise Hay:
"It's only a thought, and a thought can be changed. When I speak my truth, I set myself free."
Maya Angelou:
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
Iyanla Vanzant:
When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else."
Closing: Heart-to-Heart
Dearest one, remember that your truth—however messy, complicated, or uncomfortable—deserves to be spoken and honored. Just as a plant cannot grow in darkness forever, your authentic self cannot flourish under the constant performance of "I'm fine." The exhaustion you feel isn't from your struggles—it's from pretending you don't have them.
With deep reverence for your authentic truth,
Your Self-Care Strategist 💕
P.S. Beautiful soul, if you're reading this and realizing you can't remember the last time you were truly honest about how you're doing, please take a gentle breath. You're not broken—you're just protecting yourself the way you learned to. But that protection has become a prison, and it's time to ask: who in your life is safe enough to hear your truth? Start there. You don't have to tell everyone everything. You just need one person—or even just yourself in a journal—with whom you can stop performing and start being real. Try it once: "Actually, I'm not fine. I'm struggling." Notice what happens. Notice that the world doesn't end. Notice that honesty, though scary, creates space for real connection. Your truth is waiting to be spoken, and it's exhausted from being denied. Set it free.
"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are."
Carl Jung
Join Ignite Your Inner YOU Community where it starts and ends with you BECOMING Intentionally YOU! It's time to start BETTING ON YOU!
Pricing Options:
Monthly: $20/month
Quarterly: $60/quarter
Annually: $240/year
Call-to-Action: "Don’t wait to start your journey. Click below to join Ignite Your Inner You Community!!!
"Your Healthy MoJo~Self-Care Strategist: The Chakra Series."This essential collection, created by Dr. MoJo, guides you through a profound journey of self-discovery and energetic alignment, spanning from the grounding Earth Star and Root to the divine connection of the Crown Chakra.
Each of the eight energy centers (Earth Star, Root, Sacral, Solar Plexus, Heart, Throat, Third Eye, and Crown) is addressed with its own dedicated, transformative recording paired with an in-depth eBook to solidify your understanding and practice. Individually, each Chakra recording and eBook bundle is available for $25.00, offering a powerful, focused self-care strategy.
However, when you purchase two or more Chakra bundles, the price drops to just $20.00 each. Start your personalized healing journey today and feel the difference of a balanced, vibrant self.
Subscribe to the Intentional Self-Care newsletter and join a community of women ready to reclaim their well-being. Expect inspiring insights, actionable tips, affirmations, and transformative self-care wisdom designed to uplift, empower, and nurture your heart and soul each day.
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